Sympathy from a City Gal

I don’t know what has gotten into me lately, but as a (practically) born and bred New Yorker, I am becoming way less selfish than I boasted I was not even a year ago. A couple days ago, I was approached by a young man sitting on the train that I came into. I, of course, with the nasty glance that only a true New York gal can give a man, shrugged him off and moved out of his line of sight. The young man then got up from his seat and came over to me. Now, the number one thing you learn whilst in the city that never sleeps is guys that approach you that way are usually creeps to no end.

However, this young man (who was my same age) was genuinely interested in striking up a conversation. I was not interested from the very start in this guy, but his realness and, frankly, courage are what lead me to not turn him away. Not a lot of guys these days will come up to a girl interested in actually getting to know the girl. Often-time, what girls are greeted with is catcalling and perverted remarks.

While we may feel flattered and disgusted at the same time, we are also annoyed already. It was oddly refreshing to not have to deal with either the catcalling or perverted remarks. I admit, I was little more than receptive to this encounter. My responses consisted of very short comments in contrast to his info digging genuinely curious questions. At the end, he asked for some form of contact path where we could keep in touch. I, again, was not too keen to the idea of handing out my info to a perfect stranger, so I provided him with my Twitter and justified my reasoning by saying it was the only social network that I really used which is not too far from the truth (although, lately, I have been on Tumblr for the majority of my time).

Earlier today, in the Starbucks where I am currently writing from, I witnessed another one of these curious interactions. A 15 year old boy was sitting with his mother. In walk a group of college boys and they order their Starbucks and grab seats a couple feet away from the boy. All of a sudden, the boy speaks up and asks one of the boys if it’s alright to ask him a question. The 19 year old boy says yes. Now, what happened next shocked me. The 19 year old boy who was approached did not mind continuing the conversation. In fact, it was both of them who tangoed. And, for the cherry on the cake, I was not at all annoyed by their interaction. Let me clarify something for you non-New Yorkers. Even if we are not the ones approached but we are witnesses to an attempted approach, WE STILL GET ANNOYED AND ARE ANNOYED FOR THE OTHER PERSON.

I did, for a couple split seconds, let my mind wander to those thoughts, but overall, I was pleasantly surprised how cooperative the latter party was. The 15 year old boy told the 19 year old boy that he didn’t have many friends and didn’t mind making new friends. He then proceeded to ask if the 19 year old boy could be his friend. And the latter accepted. This really did warm my heart.

And finally… I was sitting on the bus yesterday and I know this bus always gets packed.

I always sit in a single seat. No matter how many bags I have, I am never that ass hole that takes up two seats for him and the non-living objects in his accompaniment. When the bus is beginning to get full, an older woman mounts the bus. I can see and very clearly tell that she is tired of standing. But I continue to sit. I do not give my seat up to her. I consciously made a choice to not be one kind of asshole, but a different kind of asshole. Now, this is where I new that the New York mindset is one very hard to get rid of. I was battling with myself the whole time. Pretending to disregard her and feeling terrible because being courteous was not second nature to me. When she got off the bus, I beat myself up for about 3 seconds and then felt relieved that that pressure I had been self-imposing, was gone. I feel horrible about that and it is definitely not one of my brightest moments.

The change that I am slowly but surely to make is one of a wholistic nature. If I want to be good, every aspect of my life needs to vow to make that change, too. Because once you delve into that goal, you cannot waiver and you cannot falter.

That Darned Post-Coital Bliss

There's something about the sense of satisfaction felt after coitus. Something deliciously raw. Something that emanates from every pore and sore muscle. It feeds your aura and your spirit. It relaxes. Flows from your walk, your talk, your sight. It's addicting. It'll hook its fingers into your jeans, pull you close, and volunteer your willing nature to stay and acquiesce to its presence in your very essence. Yup. It's that good. That gosh darn post-coital bliss.

Friends

They're with you when your soul is turned to ashes and your heart is smashed to pieces. When you think your wings can't possibly soar any higher, they take your hand and pull you up past the clouds. They're with you when the ground begins to give in beneath you. They take you under their wing. That shield you, scold you, protect you, and challenge you. They're the people you should always value the highest. They're your friends. No, they're your family. The only vinculation missing is the blood flowing through your veins but don't worry; they were drenched in yours while picking you up from the misfortune you were in.

I'm Your Azalea

Place me.
Pat me in.
Wait...
Drench me in love
Hydrate me
Coax me
Wait for me...
Wake me
Susurrame
Keep loving me...
Watch me sprout
Watch me unfold before you
Bask in my beauty
Brighten my days up
Now, let me watch your amazement...
But when I die, remember me
Because I'm product of your love and effort.
I'm your Azalea.

Phoenix

I've lived in the embers of what once was my heart for so long. I promised... No, I vowed to rid myself of my perception. My trusting nature nurtured my own demise. I sentenced myself to a life behind walls, guards; an armory at my beck-and-call to stun away any and all intruders. That's what you taught me to see any approaching figure as: an enemy. You approached me in the same way. You promised me happiness and laughter. You assured me that it wasn't going to be easy but you'd try. But you lied! You were dripping gasoline all around me. You distracted me with your eyes... your lips... your touch... You knew my weaknesses. You knew you were my kryptonite. But you walked away when I needed you the most, casually tossed a match behind, and left me for dead. You lit the fire that consumed me.

Had I been on the lookout, you wouldn't have gotten the chance.

But I am through with not allowing the world a glimpse of me. Not because that's the way I wish it to be but because this desheveled self, only a fraction of what I once was, is laying in her own ashes and cannot seem to find a way out.

But I tell you, tonight, I find the courage to rise up out of my ashes like a phoenix. I've surged my pain with my will and produced enlightenment, empowerment, invincibility.

I promised myself I'd rise someday...

that day has come.

Love

What is love? Have you ever really sat down and thought about what love is? It's hard to come up with an answer because it's such an intangible feeling but at the same time, many people say they feel it... And there are different kinds of love... The two that I have in mind, particularly, are love in a romantic sense and love in a spiritual sense. I have it proven that you cannot fully experience or even begin to understand the power of love in a romantic sense, if you do not have love in a spiritual sense. I'm a Seventh-Day Adventist and I've been baptized for a while now. When I was younger, I thought I fully understood (or at least had a basic grasp of) the love that God has for us. I knew that He sacrificed himself for our salvation. I knew that He would come back for us someday, even though we may not deserve it at all. I got that. But I wasn't connecting in a deep spiritual level with that love. Because you see, God is Love. They're one in the same. God is Love. Can you even begin to imagine that? That's why he can love us all individually and love us all the same, at the same time. He is the God of Love. The God of all the Love in the world. And once you understand that (as much as our earthly minds can) and once we connect the Love, then we can appreciate Love and enjoy and live it to an immense extent. Then we can begin to really experience what Love is in a romance. I'm in a relationship right now and I'm enjoying it, because I have connected with the God of Love and now I can begin to see the way it grows in my relationship. I can appreciate the way it lives in my relationship. I can see that this love, is just the beginning. I can see that this love is new and that there's so much more to go and so much more waiting for us, for me and my boyfriend. We cannot grow in our love without having the connection with the God of Love. it's just not possible. It's not at possible to do so. We see that. Do you?