Sympathy from a City Gal

I don’t know what has gotten into me lately, but as a (practically) born and bred New Yorker, I am becoming way less selfish than I boasted I was not even a year ago. A couple days ago, I was approached by a young man sitting on the train that I came into. I, of course, with the nasty glance that only a true New York gal can give a man, shrugged him off and moved out of his line of sight. The young man then got up from his seat and came over to me. Now, the number one thing you learn whilst in the city that never sleeps is guys that approach you that way are usually creeps to no end.

However, this young man (who was my same age) was genuinely interested in striking up a conversation. I was not interested from the very start in this guy, but his realness and, frankly, courage are what lead me to not turn him away. Not a lot of guys these days will come up to a girl interested in actually getting to know the girl. Often-time, what girls are greeted with is catcalling and perverted remarks.

While we may feel flattered and disgusted at the same time, we are also annoyed already. It was oddly refreshing to not have to deal with either the catcalling or perverted remarks. I admit, I was little more than receptive to this encounter. My responses consisted of very short comments in contrast to his info digging genuinely curious questions. At the end, he asked for some form of contact path where we could keep in touch. I, again, was not too keen to the idea of handing out my info to a perfect stranger, so I provided him with my Twitter and justified my reasoning by saying it was the only social network that I really used which is not too far from the truth (although, lately, I have been on Tumblr for the majority of my time).

Earlier today, in the Starbucks where I am currently writing from, I witnessed another one of these curious interactions. A 15 year old boy was sitting with his mother. In walk a group of college boys and they order their Starbucks and grab seats a couple feet away from the boy. All of a sudden, the boy speaks up and asks one of the boys if it’s alright to ask him a question. The 19 year old boy says yes. Now, what happened next shocked me. The 19 year old boy who was approached did not mind continuing the conversation. In fact, it was both of them who tangoed. And, for the cherry on the cake, I was not at all annoyed by their interaction. Let me clarify something for you non-New Yorkers. Even if we are not the ones approached but we are witnesses to an attempted approach, WE STILL GET ANNOYED AND ARE ANNOYED FOR THE OTHER PERSON.

I did, for a couple split seconds, let my mind wander to those thoughts, but overall, I was pleasantly surprised how cooperative the latter party was. The 15 year old boy told the 19 year old boy that he didn’t have many friends and didn’t mind making new friends. He then proceeded to ask if the 19 year old boy could be his friend. And the latter accepted. This really did warm my heart.

And finally… I was sitting on the bus yesterday and I know this bus always gets packed.

I always sit in a single seat. No matter how many bags I have, I am never that ass hole that takes up two seats for him and the non-living objects in his accompaniment. When the bus is beginning to get full, an older woman mounts the bus. I can see and very clearly tell that she is tired of standing. But I continue to sit. I do not give my seat up to her. I consciously made a choice to not be one kind of asshole, but a different kind of asshole. Now, this is where I new that the New York mindset is one very hard to get rid of. I was battling with myself the whole time. Pretending to disregard her and feeling terrible because being courteous was not second nature to me. When she got off the bus, I beat myself up for about 3 seconds and then felt relieved that that pressure I had been self-imposing, was gone. I feel horrible about that and it is definitely not one of my brightest moments.

The change that I am slowly but surely to make is one of a wholistic nature. If I want to be good, every aspect of my life needs to vow to make that change, too. Because once you delve into that goal, you cannot waiver and you cannot falter.